Life | 5 Aims To Improve Myself

This year, I have found that I have been feeling guilty 80% of the time because of the decisions I have been making; calling in sick for work, skipping college, not doing revision, letting people down, lieing and cancelling plans last minute. I am really disappointed with the person I have become and so I have decided to change that. After all, I am the only person that decides what I do 

So, starting today I have made 5 aims to improve myself and become the person I really want to be instead of just drowning in a pool of bad decisions.  

1. See my dad more

Me and my dad don't have the best relationship which is sad. I have turned into this person that only ever talks to him when I need money or a lift. I love my dad but can never find the energy to visit him. I need to change this because eventually he will move further away or I will grow up and quite literally be too busy to see him all the time as I have my own family. I don't want to be looking back on these moments of my life wishing I had seen my dad more when I had the chance. I need to stop taking him for granted. 

2. When I make a plan, I will stick to it

I am constantly letting my friends down. My friends and I will make plans for the weekend and it will come to the day and I am just like, mmm, not really feeling it. It doesn't matter if I am not feeling it, I have made plans and I should stick to them. Everyone will eventually stop inviting me out if I constantly change my mind right before the event. 

3. Don't call in sick for work/don't skip classes at college

My attendance at college is around 80% (which is horrendous) and I have only worked at my new job for a month and called in ill 3 times. This has had a huge impact on my college work as I have missed half the syllabus. I am still a hard worker and will teach myself at home but it isn't really good enough. Furthermore, I wouldn't be surprised if work fired me for being unreliable which obviously, wouldn't be good as I need money. Everyone has a perception of me as "the one who calls in sick" or "the one who cant keep a job" and I don't like that. It has to change. 

4. Think positive thoughts

Everyday, I wake up thinking "ergh, revision today, ergh work today, ergh, i just want to stay in bed today". I spend all day thinking about the things I don't want to do and how I could be doing something better. This results in me calling in sick for work or just not going to college as I have convinced myself it is a bad idea and exaggerated how terrible it will be.  More often than not, the things I dread doing, never turn out that bad... its just the thought of them. So, keeping a positive mindset will encourage me to stick to things I am meant to be doing. Hence, stopping me from cancelling and then sitting at home feeling guilty. 

5. Stop comparing myself to other people

I constantly think about what other people are doing with their time... are they revising more than me? Are they out socialising more than me? Often, I will come up with the conclusion that they are revising more than me and so I will fail college if I don't revise as much as them or they are socialising more than me and so I am a weirdo for being anti-social and having no friends. I shouldn't care about what other people are doing. As long as I am happy with the amount of work I have done and how many friends I have then who cares? As long as I am happy it shouldn't affect me what other people are doing with their lives. 

Sorry if this is overly depressing and extremely personally post but I just had to get it of my chest!

- Susie Roo