Life | Stressed, Depressed and Not Particularly Well Dressed

The last, and probably the next few months have been the most stressful of my life so far. My AS Level exams are coming up and to anyone who has done them, I would just like to ask... how? how did you stay sane spending hours revising? how did you keep to your revision timetable? how did you manage to learn it all in time?

I keep finding myself looking at how much revision I have to do and how close my exams are and then getting so overwhelmed I just crawl into bed and sleep for hours. I have had 5 naps this week (it's Tuesday) and I have cried most days for the last 2 weeks. Apart from college (which I haven't actually attended this week because the stress of it all makes me exhausted and anxious), I spend loafing around in a baggy jumper and my favourite nike shorts thinking about all the work that I have to do but not actually bringing myself to do it. Am I alone?

This is the post-tided version of my desk to give you a glimpse at what I spend looking at most days... those boxes; filled with past papers and revision notes, those stacks of revision cards; I have 2 weeks to learn them, those post-it notes; I don't understand those topics, those textbooks; I need to learn everything in them. I feel so engulfed by this horrible feeling of anxiety and stress all the time and it isn't fun. Even writing this blog post, I have my textbook open next to me so I can look over every now and then to memorise a sentence; very little of which is going in.

I don't even know what I want to do with my life, so why I am doing this? I certainly do not enjoy it. Why is it that our lives and education have been laid out, pristinely organised for us to go along with or we supposedly wont have a good future? Why is it that our future is based on these exams which don't really test how smart you are but test your memory? 

I like to think I am not alone in this big black hole that seems to be swallowing me whole. So, that is why I thought I would do a post about this; for those of you out there who may have been, or still are, in a similar situation to me and may feel alone. 

- Susie Roo